


Scrambled Guts

by falloutgirl



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Barebacking, M/M, Size Kink, side dotae - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 10:46:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14789063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutgirl/pseuds/falloutgirl
Summary: Johnny hasn’t noticed him yet, the utter look of concentration on his face telling Jaehyun that he’s so caught up in his workout to even see the rest of the world around him. Jaehyun lets his eyes soak in the sight before him. Lets his mind absorb every single detail of Johnny’s body that he can see. His eyes trace a bead of sweat that trails down from Johnny’s collarbone to his chest, down his tight, toned—oh my god he has abs, Jaehyun’s sex monkey brain supplies—all the way down to his.Oh my god.Jaehyun hears himself gasp.





	Scrambled Guts

**Author's Note:**

> ao3 kinda made the spacing near the italics a little off, sorry about that! but anyway, this fic started out as a shitpost idea and was only supposed to be 5k... clocking in at over 17k this is the longest fic i have ever written. and it's a fucking big dick!au. how true to form... shout out to my beta reader and good friend ayesha ([minhyukwithagun](https://twitter.com/minhyukwithagun) on twitter) for helping me with this fic and generally just encouraging the nastiness lmao. 
> 
> this is also my first NCT fic as well! hope you all enjoy~

Jaehyun considers himself a pretty decent guy. Like, he doesn’t skip class, he volunteers at the annual Adopt-A-Shelter Dog event, and he replies to his best friends text messages almost always. Well, that’s assuming that Yuta and Ten aren’t too busy boning each other to manage out a coherent enough reply—although their text messages mostly include dragging Jaehyun and his… _extracurricular_ activities through the mud.

 

Jaehyun is a _man._ He has needs. And so, more often than not, those needs are fulfilled by hooking up.

 

What can he say, really? Jaehyun likes to _fuck._

 

“I’m a nice guy, right?” Jaehyun says from where he’s currently sitting on the too small couch in the shoebox apartment he shared with the menace who always left his laundry on the back of the couch. Or would leave the dishes in the sink. Or leave the lights and TV on. _Jesus._ At least Johnny paid the rent on time.

 

Johnny gives him a smirk, “it really depends on who’s asking.”

 

Jaehyun knows his reputation precedes him. He also knows that most people think he’s some kind of, _manwhore_ , but it’s never really bothered him. People can have whatever opinions they want of him. He doesn’t care. The only people that matter are Ten and Yuta.

 

And Jaehyun’s hot roommate, Johnny, who is present in his nightly dreams with either a wedding ring or a cock ring.  But that’s neither here nor there.

 

Jaehyun studies Johnny, and he’s doing that _thing_ again. He’s giving him that _look_ that Jaehyun gets at least once a day when he asks Johnny a question that Jaehyun already full well knows the answer too. Johnny does this to him a lot, gives him looks and short quips, tells him half responses and one liners. Sometimes, Jaehyun thinks Johnny is flirting with him.

 

But then he remembers his reputation, remembers how someone like Johnny has some semblance of standards.

 

Knows full well he doesn’t qualify to fit anywhere near those.

 

Jaehyun looks towards Johnny again, who’s offering him a smile. Johnny’s smile could be considered coy if Jaehyun believed he had the ability to pull off such an expression, and not the everpresent look that’s some mix of exasperation and disgust—the same look he gets from _Thing 1_ and _Thing 2_. Johnny’s met Yuta and Ten a handful of times, though. And each time Jaehyun felt like it would be the last, because anyone that can stomach seeing those two together in the same room deserves a Nobel Prize. And, to make matters worse anyway, Jaehyun can't possibly believe that Johnny would actually openly flirt with him in any scenario.

 

“As I was asking,” Jaehyun starts again, out of his reverie.

 

“And as I was saying, dear,” Johnny replies.

 

 _Dear. Oh._ That does things to Jaehyun, in an awfully crapshoot type of pristine domesticity. A white picket fence flutters in front of his eyelids. He shudders. Blocking that thought out for now, please.

 

“Is it bad that I don’t wanna see this guy anymore?” Jaehyun just cuts straight to the burning question he’s holding in his chest. And the guy on Grindr doesn’t seem to want to take a hint. Jaehyun's already left the poor dude on read for the last three days, and apparently that’s not enough for him to just accept the fact that Jaehyun wasn’t satisfied with their one night stand and move on. He likes the sex he gets, right, he revels in it. But most of it always leaves him feeling so unfulfilled in some far off way. Jaehyun likes fucking around though, and he likes making people feel good. He kind of just shrugs off everything else.

 

“No it’s not bad,” Johnny says, knocking Jaehyun's attention back to the matter at hand. “However, the way you go about dealing with the aftermath of your… hookups, leaves a lot to be desired.” Johnny says that last part carefully and slowly, as if he’s practiced this speech a dozen times. Or talking to a stupid child who doesn’t know how to be nice to people. Jaehyun has a feeling Johnny’s leaning on the latter. “If you try to imagine it from the others perspective, like perhaps maybe you sleep with a guy that you really like and then he ignores you—how would you feel?”

 

 _I can take a wild fucking guess how I’d feel,_ Jaehyun thinks to himself. He sighs.

 

“I just want to know what to say… I feel. Bad, I guess. And Ten and Yuta are kind of over my antics right now.” It’s true, Jaehyun reasons. He’s been sleeping around for so long and he knows his best friends are so over having to pick his stupid ass up at 3 in the morning after a bad booty call. Or rescue him when said booty call doesn’t know how to leave him alone. Ten would always give him this glare that was halfway between hatred and love—the semi-annoyance of being dragged out of his beauty sleep always present in his features. He remembers when Ten tried to set him up with someone after a really bad booty call, kept trying to get him to settle down, but it just left an itch in Jaehyun’s chest—and the burning desire for his roommate still sat there, caged in.

 

“Have you ever thought of saying ‘I’m sorry?’” Johnny’s voice cuts through the silence.

 

Jaehyun’s mouth opens and closes like a fish. No, that never crossed his mind, because he’s been too concerned about his own stupidly complicated feelings to even consider someone else’s.

 

“Well I think my work here is done,” Johnny says getting up, and he flashes that smirk at Jaehyun again, accompanied by that _look,_ and oh, god. Jaehyun can’t deal with this can of worms right now, not today, not this century, not ever.

 

He peeks a look at Johnny’s retreating form and watches the way the sweatpants hug his thighs. Watches the way the fabric stretches across Johnny’s backside.

 

 _Wow,_ is all Jaehyun thinks. Before burying his head in a pillow and muffling a scream.

 

***

 

The thing with Johnny, really, is that he’s a _enigma._ He and Jaehyun have been roommates for the better part of the last three years of their university life. They were assigned rooms when Jaehyun was but a wee freshman and Johnny was third year astronomy major. After that first god awful year of banging knees and barely having any room to breathe in that dorm, Johnny suggested they move to an apartment close to campus and for some reason Jaehyun agreed. So, they stay together, obviously. And Jaehyun would be an idiot if he never thought that Johnny was attractive—especially in the first months of when he started his extracurricular activities when he was just starting to get the hang of doing… _it,_ y’know.

 

He doesn’t want to say he holds a torch for his roommate, because that would be utterly preposterous. However, if he did—which he didn’t—then he knows that torch would be as big as the fire they show on the opening night of the Olympics. But that would be if he actually held a torch. He doesn’t.

 

Another weird thing about Johnny, Jaehyun notes, because his brain is filled with Johnny-centric anecdotes—purely for observational reasons of course—is that in these three years of essentially living in Johnny’s back pocket, Jaehyun has never once seen him shirtless or naked. Which didn’t strike him as weird at first, he just attributed it to Johnny being shy, but three years of living with a guy should mean unwanted cock sightings or walking in on him masturbating or seeing his body, drenched in water, glistening, with a towel wrapping around his waist before he—

 

Jaehyun psychically shakes his head. His awful dick twitches in interest. _Shut up,_ he mind-yells at his lap.

 

Jaehyun has never seen Johnny in any state of undress—though he knows Johnny has seen him in every state of undress. And, even more unfortunately, one time, doggystyle, hair pulled back, when that guy from the accounting department _insisted_ that Jaehyun do a backwards spread eagle on the middle of their tiny living room floor. That had been a terrible, terrible, day, and Jaehyun remembers Johnny’s face, beet red, eyes cast upwards as he said, “Alright,” and promptly walked backwards outside of the apartment at a pace fast enough to rival Usain Bolt.

 

Jaehyun couldn’t look Johnny in the eyes for the entire week after.

 

In any case, Jaehyun has _known_ that his roommate is _hot,_ okay. He has been aware of this fact for years. He just… contextualizes Johnny's attractiveness as the fact that he’s so mysterious, because if he even gives his sex monkey brain an _inch_ to think that he likes Johnny in any way other than _mysterious attractive man,_ his functioning brain will absolutely explode. He cannot contextualize _real_ feelings for his roommate. He cannot contextualize Johnny’s hair, windswept, Johnny’s face, mid laughter, or that fucking _look_ Johnny always lays on him whenever—

 

Jaehyun can’t lose his last two working brain cells to _pining._ Jung Jaehyun doesn’t _pine._

 

But he loves lying to himself.

 

“So, when you’re done thinking about Johnny, I’d like for us to get back to _me,_ thanks.”

 

Ten’s voice cuts through the construction that is Jaehyun’s brain right now, severing all thoughts and bringing him back to the reality where he is not on Johnny’s lap, sucking a dark purple bruise onto his—

 

“Dude, seriously?”

 

Jaehyun turns to Ten’s judgemental gaze. “I was not thinking about Johnny.” He pouts.

 

“Yeah, and the sky isn’t blue,” Yuta remarks from where he’s situated on the floor with a bowl of miso soup. Ten and Yuta’s shared apartment is like two of Jaehyun and Johnny’s put together. There’s a huge grey shag rug that covers nearly the entire living space, and the couch that Jaehyun and Ten are currently sitting on has more than enough space for the two of them. A medium-sized TV is pressed against the wall opposite the couch and Ten’s ridiculous ornamental fake orchid plant neatly brings the space together. It’s so domestic it hurts.  Jaehyun is over here at their apartment to visit them, of course, not just to judge their interior design skills. And also to try and get some space from Johnny and the _thing_ that keeps plaguing him every night like a disease.

 

“So what’s up…” Jaehyun says turning to Ten and Ten gives him a disgusted look.

 

Yuta throws a green onion from his soup at Jaehyun and it lands on his neck. “That’s gross, Yuta,” Jaehyun says.

 

“Stop pining,” Ten says this directly into Jaehyun’s left ear, causing him to momentarily black out.

 

“I do _not_ pine.” Jaehyun pouts, again. Ten levels him with an eye roll.

 

“You do,” Ten says, “just admit to it. Then make a fucking move so we can all be free of this. And you can stop with this sleeping around and being sad nonsense.”

 

Jaehyun throws a glare at Ten’s direction but Ten remains unaffected. “Baby’s have meaner faces than you.”

 

“I resent that.”

 

“You can’t even scowl properly.”

 

“Give me a moment.”

 

“Admit that you’re pining.”

 

“Jung Jaehyun doesn’t pine.”

 

“He also shouldn’t be referring to himself in the third person,” Yuta butts in, “like dude what the fuck?”

 

Jaehyun just shrugs. He clasps his hands in his lap, nerves on edge. He’s toying with the idea of telling them—but he still feels nervous. _It’s been a long time coming,_ he thinks. His hands are getting kind of clammy and he takes a deep breath. There’s a beat of silence.  “I’m kind of tired of sleeping around,” he says.

 

No one responds.

 

Yuta and Ten share a look before Yuta says, “Are you serious?”

 

“It’s my final semester of my junior year,” Jaehyun breathes out. He’s been thinking about this for a really long time. He started his _habits_ back in freshman year. It really doesn’t have the same appeal now as it did back then. He’s so tired. “I want to focus on school, mainly. And um, myself I think.”

 

“I’m proud of you,” Yuta blurts out. “I’m glad you want to be focused now.”

 

“I’m happy to hear this, Jaehyunnie,” Ten puts a reassuring arm on Jaehyun's shoulder.            

 

There’s a comfortable silence that settles between all of them, as Yuta eats more of his soup and Ten leans into Jaehyun’s shoulder.

 

“Anyway,” Ten says some moments later, “we were invited to a party that the dance club is hosting to kick off the beginning of the semester and we want you to go.”

 

Jaehyun’s eyes nearly bug out of his head. “I… cannot go,” Jaehyun vaguely says, “I’m, uh, busy.”

 

Yuta and Ten share a glance and then Yuta bursts out into laughter. He puts his empty soup bowl on the coffee table and looks Jaehyun directly in the eyes, “Who’d you fuck?” He smirks.

 

“No one,” Jaehyun honestly admits. He didn’t _fuck_ anyone. Well, he wasn’t doing the _fucking._

 

“Leave the semantics alone, asshole. You can’t fool me,” Yuta rolls his eyes. Ten gets up to go to the kitchen and grab some drinks. “It was Taeyong.”

 

“Um. No?”

 

Yuta runs a hand over his face, “You can’t even lie properly, Jesus Christ.”

 

“I’m not admitting to anything,” Jaehyun announces when Ten gets back and passes some soda to each of them, “but if I had slept with anyone on the team—I didn’t—and if I had fucked or _been_ fucked by anyone on the team—which I wasn’t—then maybe… maybe it would have been Lee Taeyong. But I don’t know.”

 

Ten turns to Yuta and says, “Have you ever heard so much bullshit in your life?”

 

Yuta breaks out into gut busting laughter. “Taeyong fucking told us you know.”

 

“Wait, you guys knew—”

 

“This is a sign, Jaehyun,” Yuta says, “you want to make a change, right? Well you’re gonna have to face down all the people you fucked, fucked _over,_ and got fucked by. Jesus Christ. Small progress is good progress.”

 

“I—”

 

“And of course we knew,” Yuta continues, “Taeyong’s one of our friends. We unfortunately know too much.”

 

“However,” Ten stabs a perfectly manicured nail into Jaehyun’s chest, “Yuta is right. This is a chance for you to start atoning for your bullshit. And just because Taeyong is understanding with it doesn’t mean you should do it again. Stop sleeping with our friends, please. Half the dance team talks about how good you suck dick, I really don’t care to know.”

 

Jaehyun can’t help but beam with pride at that statement. “They talk about my skills?”

 

Yuta levels him with a glare. “That’s really all you got from that, huh?”

 

Jaehyun shrugs, “I told Taeyong I was sorry about how things ended.”

 

“We know. And we’re proud of you to make such a _bold_ and _adult_ step,” Ten says, “but you’re going to need to do more. I know you want Johnny. I know. We,” he motions to himself and Yuta, “know. But Johnny is older than you. He’s gonna want more than what you’re offering. At least right now.”

 

Jaehyun sucks in a breath. “I hate when you’re right,” he murmurs, hands clasped tightly in his lap. “I like to fuck,” Jaehyun adds, “but I think I want something more.”

 

“Find someone to fuck every night,” Yuta says, “like me and Ten.” He casts a look towards Ten, where he sits next to Jaehyun on the couch. “My baby here,” and Ten absolutely _preens_ at that nickname, “is so good in bed, actually, Jaehyun, Ten can do this thing where he bends—”

 

“Alright!” Jaehyun shouts and covers his ears. Ten and Yuta laugh at him. How, typical.

 

When the laughter dies down, Ten asks, “What’s honestly stopping you from asking Johnny out? Or, I don’t know, seeing if he would be interested in messing around.”

 

“I’ve been messing around  for like, almost the entire time he’s known me. I don’t think he’d be interested in dating a… _manwhore_ , I guess.”

 

“You’re not a _manwhore,”_ Yuta puts quotes around the word, “you just act like it, dude. And you’re a good guy, Jaehyun. But this whole, leaving people on read or ignoring them for days after you fuck them is such bad behavior. And that’s what gives you the reputation you have, you know.”

 

“Yuta’s right, sweetie,” Ten pats his knee. “Which is why we’re glad you want to stop. You need to have some level of shame when it comes to the aftermath of how you go about interacting with people after you mess around with them. Remember Doyoung?”

 

Jaehyun visibly winces. That was a rough one. “How I was supposed to know he was a virgin?”

 

“You don’t _have_ to know, you just have to… clearly spell out to people that you are only interested in one thing. And then remember not to string them along for a month afterwards.”

 

“Not gonna lie, when he came after you with the broom, it was like, kinda sexy? In a weird, domestic violence kinda way?”

 

“What are you even _saying_?” Ten smacks Yuta with his foot. There’s a beat of silence before Ten breaks out into laughter. “Fuck, it was actually so hilarious.” He covers his mouth to try and suppress the giggles.

 

“‘Fuck you Jung Jaehyun! And fuck your mouth too!’” Yuta recites from memory. “Good lord, that was hands down the best day of my life.”

 

“That was the worst day of mine, thanks,” Jaehyun says. The memory of Kim Doyoung chasing after him with a broom when Jaehyun so much as breathed in the direction of the home economics and cooking class still gives him nightmares. He had ran back to his and Johnny’s apartment, shirt soaked in sweat and out of breath. Johnny had given him that _look_ again, and merely said to him, “Busy day, huh?” Before he went back to reading whatever doorstop of a textbook his advanced level astronomy course required.

 

“I have learned my lesson, okay? No more virgins.”

 

Now Ten smacks _him_ across the head, “That is _not_ the lesson you should’ve learned, asshole.”

 

“I was joking—I’m joking!” Jaehyun says when he sees Ten ready to smack him again.

 

“God, you better be. Lord knows you’ve slept with enough of my friends as it is. I still have to interact with the poor kid everyday in class. He’s an arts major after all.”

 

Jaehyun feels something settle in his stomach. Man, that really was a bad memory. He thinks about Johnny’s advice again.   _Ever tried “I’m sorry?”_ It worked with Taeyong, at least. When he told him he was sorry but he just wasn’t feeling it anymore, Taeyong had only sent him a paragraph long text message that amounted to saying _I already knew you weren’t looking for a relationship. You were so distracted, anyway._ And Taeyong didn’t even tell him “fuck you” like most of his past hookups did, so Jaehyun counts that for the improvement it is. The nagging feeling gets to him, he should probably tell Doyoung he’s sorry.

 

“Would it be weird if I told Doyoung that I’m sorry?”

 

Yuta nearly drops his miso soup on the floor.

 

As for non-sequiturs, Jaehyun's sure this tops the list based on the looks his friends are giving him.

 

“Where the hell did that come from?”

 

“Well, Johnny. He,” and Jaehyun can feel his friends stares, “I asked him what I should do about Taeyong. I didn’t say much but he just kinda asked me if I had ever considered saying sorry to these guys I just… ditch.” Jaehyun can’t think of a more succinct word to use. “It kinda lit a light bulb in my head, among other things. That’s why I apologized to Taeyong. Maybe I should do the same to Doyoung.”

 

Yuta and Ten share a look. It’s a long one, and Jaehyun has time to study the expressions on his best friends faces. It seems like Jaehyun’s missed a lot, really, by the way the two are able to communicate so fluently without any words. He beats himself up inside, knowing he’s been so caught up in his own head, his own problems, his own… bullshit, that he’s been absent for a lot of things that his friends deal with.

 

“I think,” Yuta pipes up first. He speaks slowly, as if Jaehyun is a deer he might scare away if he gets too close, “well first I think that whatever Johnny nonsense you have floating up there in your head, has insofar been a good influence. Secondly, I think that might actually be a good idea.”

 

Jaehyun blinks at Yuta, letting the words wash over him. He was half expecting Yuta to tell him to fuck off. Doyoung was one of Yuta’s close friends after all, they did all the combo dance and song recital performances together. Jaehyun turns to Ten and sees him nodding his head as well.

 

“It would actually help him, I think. Give him closure.”

 

Jaehyun gulps, pride is a difficult pill to swallow.

 

“He doesn’t like you or anything, and he’s moved on mostly, it’s just,” and Ten pauses, trying to think of how he’s going to gauge his next words, “he puts this really strong front out, but I know he was hurting for a long time. An apology from you might actually give him the closure that he needs, even if he doesn’t know it.”

 

Jaehyun nods.

 

“I can’t believe this is all thanks to Johnny,” Ten half murmurs. “We’ve been trying to get you to clean your messes up for the last two years. He tells you once that you need to be a _good boy_ and suddenly you’re a changed man.”

 

Jaehyun visibly reddens at Ten’s choice of words. “He did not—” Jaehyun’s mouth feels dry. “He did not call me a good boy.”

 

Yuta snorts, “He might as well have, look at yourself.”

 

Jaehyun turns away from Yuta and wills the blush staining his cheeks to go away. He doesn’t need the mental image of Johnny calling him a good boy to be in his mind right now, he doesn’t need to add that to the list of _terrible_ thoughts he has about his roommate, and he sure as hell doesn’t need to get flustered in front of his asshole best friends.

 

“I,” Jaehyun gulps, it’s apparently a day for truths, “I wish he would, though.”

 

“FINALLY!” Ten shouts jumping up. Jaehyun watches as he races to the kitchen, grabbing two beers and handing one off to Yuta in celebration.

 

“What the hell—“

 

“It took you long enough to admit to it. So we’re fucking celebrating.” Ten clinks his beer against Yuta’s, over Jaehyun's lap, and they each take a nice swig.

 

“You pineeeeee for him, sweetie,” Ten says.

 

“You finally got that forest fire of emotions sorted out in your head, huh?” Yuta chimes in.

 

Jaehyun looks at the ceiling and thinks, _I hate my friends._

 

“Maybe Johnny can ask you to, I don’t know, do your laundry in a timely manner or to cook food every once in a while, too. He’s changing you. This is perfect.” Yuta nods in agreement with Ten’s statement.

 

“I’ll go to the dancer’s party,” Jaehyun says, “Doyoung’ll be there, right?”

 

Ten nods.

 

“I’m leaving you two now,” Jaehyun gets up, and cracks his back. All the stress of sitting in one position for so long has his back aching. His sex monkey brain whispers that it _wished_ his back ached in a better way, Jaehyun shoos that thought away to the underbelly of his mind. He really doesn’t want to think about those things right now.

 

“Thank god,” Yuta says, “I’ve been hard for the last half hour.” He puts his empty beer bottle down and Ten giggles.

 

“Alright thanks, that’s gross,” Jaehyun maneuvers over them and heads to the door of the apartment, but not without sparing a glance back at his two best friends, lazily kissing on the couch. He catches the sparkle in Ten’s eye when he looks at Yuta, and notices the way Yuta’s entire face softens when Ten kisses him. He locks the apartment door as he leaves, because he’s such a good friend.

 

As Jaehyun makes the trek back to his own apartment, he wishes someone would look at him in the same way.

 

***

 

Jaehyun cuts his habits cold turkey. He’s deleted Grindr and Tinder and OkCupid and all the other shitty apps off his phone. _He can do this,_ he tells himself. This is just a new leaf. Jaehyun’s realized now that with his extracurriculars out of the way, he has more time to do the thing he loves, which is people watch. By ‘people’ he means Johnny and by ‘watch’ he means ‘ _stare at his ass so hard he burns holes through the pants_ .’ Jaehyun feels like he can breathe some fresh air now, and he doesn’t feel as obligated to go out out of the way to try and be somebody he’s not. Some people who know his reputation will still approach him for _something,_ and he revels in the way he gets to tell him that he’s not doing that anymore. The semester starts off pretty well, but Jaehyun knows it’ll kick into high gear soon enough. He volunteers again at the Accounting Society’s next Adopt-A-Shelter Dog event and gets to spend some time with all the dogs that other students bring to show up. He kind of tears up, a bit. He finds himself more energized in his classes, raising his hand more to ask questions or give answers, and generally being more involved in his major then just sitting in the back of the lecture texting random hookups on Grindr. Best of all, of course, is that he actually can have more than a handful of decent conversations with his _enigma_ of a roommate.

 

Jaehyun’s dedicated more time into studying Johnny’s movements, even more so than before. Johnny still doesn’t take off his clothes in Jaehyun’s presence, but that’s a fact that Jaehyun has come to accept. There’s gotta be something there, he tells himself, maybe something Johnny doesn’t want him to see. It can’t be because Johnny thinks he’s ugly. Jaehyun is, quite frankly, ready to defend Johnny’s honor even to the man himself. Nevertheless, Jaehyun feels like he can actually function as a semi-decent human being now.

 

He did go to that party with Yuta and Ten, and he did run into both Taeyong and Doyoung. They looked kind of… _cozy_ together, but it’s literally not Jaehyun’s business and in all honesty, he doesn’t care to know anyways. It did take a lot of strength for him to face Doyoung though, and Jaehyun’s never really been the confrontational type.

 

“Hey, Doyoung,” he had said to him, and he could visibly see Doyoung’s hackles rise and deflate in the ten seconds it took him to assess that the person talking to him was indeed Jaehyun.

 

“Hello, Jung,” he replied, voice steady.

 

“Listen, I’m just going to make this quick.” Jaehyun looked up at Doyoung, into his eyes. Doyoung didn’t say anything so Jaehyun continued on. “I’m sorry. I’m. I’m _really_ sorry. About last year. It was,” Jaehyun gulps, “it was really bad of me to lead you on. Scratch that. It was absolutely _awful._ I’m sorry I took your,” Jaehyun looks around before whispering, “ _virginity_ .” He takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry I came on your face twice. I’m sorry I sexted you in the middle of your exam. And I’m definitely really, _really,_ sorry that I hid in the bathroom of my apartment when you came over to bring me brownies. I… I don’t honestly know if what I’m even saying helps or if I should just keep my mouth shut… but I just wanted you to know I’m sorry for everything.”

 

Jaehyun made eye contact with Doyoung again. He could see him assessing the situation with his eyes, calculating Jaehyun’s words, absorbing them, understanding them.

 

“I forgive you, Jung,” he had said, “it’s in the past, now. Besides, I probably shouldn’t have chased after you with a broom.”

 

“No, I deserved it.”

 

“I’m glad you know that, then. Because I wasn’t really sorry for that.”

 

That quip made a laugh burst out of Jaehyun’s chest. He covered his mouth, knowing he probably shouldn’t laugh, but then he heard Doyoung join in with him. “Have you met Taeyong?” Doyoung had said. “We were just… _talking_ about you.”

 

“Oh, that’s not fair,” Jaehyun mumbled.

 

“Come and join us,” Doyoung motioned for him to sit on the couch with them.

 

Jaehyun smiled. Taeyong was okay with him. Doyoung didn’t want to kill him. Yuta and Ten were probably fucking in the poor apartment owners bedroom.

 

Everything was gonna be fine.

 

And fine it was, Jaehyun tells himself, coming out of his reverie. That night had passed without further incident, unless he wants to count when Doyoung started getting drunk enough to lick Taeyong’s ears. Jaehyun shakes that thought out of his mind—hopefully for good.

 

He continues his walk up the stairs of the apartment fishing out his keys. It was a long day of classes, and with his renewed energy, Jaehyun wanted to get on top of his assignments. He was supposed to go to the library to study right away, but since he forgot his student ID card on his table, he couldn’t enter. He finally got his key into the door and turned the knob. Jaehyun pushed the door open slowly.

 

The sight that greeted him was enough to make him believe that God truly did exist.

 

Johnny, sweaty, panting, doing jumping jacks in the middle of their small living room.

 

Shirtless. Sweaty. _Glistening_.

 

Johnny hasn’t noticed him yet, the utter look of concentration on his face telling Jaehyun that he’s so caught up in his workout to even see the rest of the world around him. Jaehyun lets his eyes soak in the sight before him. Lets his mind absorb every single detail of Johnny’s body that he can see. His eyes trace a bead of sweat that trails down from Johnny’s collarbone to his chest, down his tight, toned— oh my _god_ he has _abs_ , Jaehyun’s sex monkey brain supplies—all the way down to his.

 

Oh my god.

 

Jaehyun _hears_ himself gasp. And make this awful sound between a snort and a gurgle. Like he just choked on a huge gulp of water without having drank any in the first place. The gasp he makes is enough to alert Johnny to his presence. Johnny looks up at Jaehyun, looking like a deer caught in headlights, even though Jaehyun feels like he’s just walked in on something so _private,_ so _restrained_. He thinks he might have to say 10 Hail Marys just for this.

 

His eyes glance down to Johnny’s… crotch area again. _Make it 20 Hail Marys_ , he tells himself.

 

Johnny moves faster than lightning, and in no time at all he’s covered his entire body with the biggest towel Jaehyun has ever seen. “I didn’t know you were going to be home so soon,” Johnny says breathless.

 

 _Oh my god_ , Jaehyun screams internally. “I was,” he smacks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, trying to alleviate the sudden bout of cottonmouth he seems to be going through. “I was going to the library, but I forgot my ID card. I’m just gonna, um…” Jaehyun makes an aborted movement with his body, and all but run-jogs into his room to grab the ID off his desk.

 

“I thought you’d be out with someone tonight,” Johnny says, his voice back to normal.

 

“No, I, uh,” Jaehyun squeaks, eyes trained on the wall behind Johnny’s head. He can’t even look him in the eye. “I don’t, um, sleep around anymore, yeah, uh. Yeah.” He forgot that he didn’t tell Johnny he ceased his extracurriculars. Then again, Jaehyun tells himself, it’s not like Johnny would care if he did or he didn’t.

 

“That’s good to hear,” Johnny says, surprising Jaehyun so much he almost makes eye contact with him. Then he remembers Johnny’s—

 

Jaehyun’s face reddens and Johnny continues, “You have a lot more to give than just your _body,_ Jaehyun.”

 

Jaehyun actually looks at Johnny this time, and makes eye contact with him. His face is flushed from his workout, and his sweaty hair sticks to his face. Jaehyun wants to reach out and touch him, he also kind of wants to bury his face in Johnny’s armpit. When Johnny’s words actually register in Jaehyun’s brain, his last two remaining brain cells seem to start to spiral out of control. He doesn’t know what to say. His mouth is dry. His hands are clammy. Johnny has a big _d—_

 

“You affect a lot of change on those around you,” Johnny continues, cutting Jaehyun’s brain off, “you have a strong gravitational pull.” Johnny nods to himself, as if Jaehyun is going to understand what any of that means.

 

“Thank you, Johnny,” is what Jaehyun says instead, supplemented with a bow. “I’m just going to um, go to the library now. I didn’t mean to walk in on your workout. I’ll be back home later.” Jaehyun doesn’t even wait for Johnny to reply before he does an about face and walks directly out the apartment door. Jaehyun walks for an entire 5 minutes in silence before he lets the most gentlest of whimpers fall out between his lips. He keeps walking the other ten minutes in silence—save for the other whimpers he lets fall out—before he enters into the NCT Campus Library, sits down in a private study cubicle, and starts to brain himself against the fucking desk.

 

 _He can’t believe what he just saw, he can’t believe what he just saw._ He bangs his head against his backpack filled with books a few more times, hoping that the strength of the textbooks will be enough to knock the image that is so viscerally imprinted in his mind.

 

Because, Jaehyun, can now assume, that Johnny has never taken off his clothes around him for one reason and one reason only.

 

That reason being the fucking _humongous_ package he carries in his pants, the anaconda hidden in the cave, the—the Lochness Monster hiding in Lake Johnny’s Pants, the…

 

The fucking _fact_ that Jaehyun has known Johnny for three _fucking_ years, and never, not once, not ever, did his mind ever think, that the reason why Johnny would never change in front of him was because he. Because…

 

Jaehyun bangs his head so hard against the table he sees stars. The dude sitting next to him turns his way and simply tells him to shush, before going back to playing Fortnite on his computer.

 

 _Johnny has a big dick_ , Jaehyun’s sex monkey brain supplies. He lets out a pitiful whimper. His dick twitches in so much interest Jaehyun’s half afraid Fortnite Dude might notice.

 

But he can’t even bring himself to care.

 

He does his accounting homework, just barely, working out problems in a haze of lust filled thoughts about what Johnny, and _Big Johnny_ , he snickers to himself, could do to him. Jaehyun packs up his books at a quarter to 10PM and decides to take a longer route home. He needs to brace himself for looking Johnny in the eyes. Needs to like, recuperate from the onslaught of tanned, sweaty skin he was privy to a few hours ago.

 

Jaehyun takes a deep breath and pushes open the door of the apartment, sees Johnny on the couch, watching episodes of I Can See Your Voice, like nothing even happened. Like Jaehyun’s entire worldview didn’t just shatter and reglue itself in the span of the last four hours.

 

Jaehyun leaves his shoes near the door, goes into the kitchen to grab a drink, and then drops his book bag down near the couch before he sits next to Johnny. He settles comfortably on the couch that shouldn’t be able to fit both of them—but does—and casts his eyes every so often to the space between Johnny’s thighs, where the monster lurks in slumber.

 

Jaehyun sighs to himself. It’s going to be a long night.

 

He texts Yuta and Ten the next morning. He can’t keep this knowledge inside himself. He can’t very well tell _Johnny_ about Johnny’s huge dick, but he needs to tell someone or he’s going to fucking scream.

 

 **Jaefuck:** Guys. Guys assistance

 

 **Yutarus:** dude its so early

 

 **Jaefuck:** im having a meltdown

 **Jaefuck:** johnny has a big dick

 **Jaefuck:** this is why he never changes in front of me

 **Jaefuck:** stop ignoring me im having a crisis

 

Jaehyun throws his phone to the side and gets up to get himself a drink. He walks out of his room and is greeted by Johnny pouring orange juice into two glasses and plating some eggs onto paper plates. “Breakfast?” he offers.

 

Jaehyun nods in thanks. He runs back to his room to grab his phone, before grabbing the plate of food Johnny hands him and sitting at their tiny ass kitchen table on the least rickety chair. He turns on his phone screen and is greeted to the notification:

 

_You have 31 new messages in ‘Johnny Has a Big Dick’. Tap to open._

 

Jaehyun chokes on his food when he reads the new group chat name. Johnny runs over and taps him on the back. Jaehyun at least has enough air in his head still to place his phone face down before Johnny can see it. He doesn’t need this at 9 in the morning.

 

“You alright?” Johnny asks, once Jaehyun has finished coughing and he’s returned to his seat.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine, just went down the wrong pipe. Ten sent me a stupid text.”

 

Johnny hums in acknowledgement then goes back to eating his food. Jaehyun opens up the group chat and furiously writes:

 

 **Jaefuck:** which one of you ASSHOLES changed the group chat NAME??? I choked on my food and johnny had to help me

 

Their replies are almost instantaneous.

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** I’m sure you wish you were choking on something else huh

 

 **Yutarus:** something thick and meaty

 

Jaehyun makes a gurgling sound at his phone. Johnny has enough sense in his mind to just ignore Jaehyun when he’s texting his friends, he knows how Yuta and Ten can be. Jaehyun is grateful.

 

Jaehyun scrolls up to the messages he received before opening the chat, sees the notification, _Tendal Jenner changed the group name_. He has never hated Ten more in his life. Jaehyun quickly reads through the texts, most of them key smashes from Ten and laughing emojis from Yuta. Until he gets to one of the later ones from Ten.

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** how big is his dick btw? And how can you be sure lol

 

Jaehyun replies to this message specifically, and recounts to _Thing 1_ and _Thing 2_ the fever dream that occured the previous afternoon, walking in on Johnny working out shirtless, seeing the outline of his dick through his pants… wishing… wishing he could—

 

 **Yutarus:** i didnt know you were a size queen

 

 **Jaefuck:** i cannot stop thinking about his dick. What if it doesnt fit in my mouth. What if i died trying

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** id say rest in peace to the man who died doing what he loved

 

Jaehyun looks up at Johnny, who’s now peacefully reading the morning newspaper. He stares at the furrow of Johnny’s brow intently, watches the movement of his jaw as he subconsciously clenches and unclenches his teeth. Jaehyun feels his insides whimper in want.

 

_Yutarus has changed Jaefuck’s screen name to Size queen._

 

 **Size queen:** i hate you fucking both

 

 **Yutarus:** look ten hes not even changing it back

 **Yutarus:** he knows its true

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** babys first kink. How cute

 

 **Size queen:** its not a KINK… its just… interesting

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** sweetie thats how they all start

 

***

 

Jaehyun keeps thinking about the, the… _size queen,_ thing. However, there’s no way in hell he’s going to ask either Yuta or Ten any of these questions—god knows those assholes would tease him until the sun died out. And he doesn’t really want to Google any of this, either. Jaehyun can kind of… assume he gets the gist of what it means to be a size queen, okay. And the more he thinks about his past sexual encounters, the more he really starts to evaluate why he always left them, he starts to get this nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that tells him he was always psychically unsatisfied. Like sure, of course he got off, he got off every single time, but the bone deep ache that he craved, the sort of, ‘lights out,’ kind of orgasm he could give himself by hand, always evaded his sex life with other people. Not to be full of himself, Jaehyun knows he’s good in bed. Taeyong and Doyoung had told him so at that party, a conversation that still feels partly like a nightmare and partly like a practical joke. He shudders.

 

In any case, Jaehyun marches himself into the cafe that Doyoung told him to meet him at, and sits down in a booth and waits.

 

There really wasn’t anyone else he could ask, you know. And Jaehyun’s ready to swallow any pride left, ten times over, if it means he can just get answers to these questions he has without wanting to _die_ of the utter embarrassment he knows Ten and Yuta will inflict on him.

 

“So,” Doyoung says when he settles into the chair across from Jaehyun. He’s got his slender fingers wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate and a croissant on a plate in front of him. Jaehyun let his anxiety run wild when he ordered, so now he’s got several donuts in front of him, all varying flavors and sizes.

 

“Size queen, huh?” Doyoung’s voice brings Jaehyun’s attention back to his face, where Doyoung is hiding a rather impressive smirk behind his mug.

 

“This isn’t funny,” Jaehyun says, shoveling a maple flavored donut into his mouth. Doyoung looks at him in disgust. “Do try to eat with some decency,” Doyoung passes a napkin Jaehyun’s way.

 

“I just, I want answers. I don’t wanna Google them. I can’t ask Ten or Yuta because they’ll make fun of me.”

 

“There’s nothing stopping me from making fun of you,” Doyoung breaks a piece of his croissant off and eats it gently.

 

“Yeah but, I’m pretty sure I deserve it from you, so just make fun of me if you have too, but I seriously need another opinion besides my two dumbass best friends.”

 

“I was a virgin before you, you know that right?”

 

Jaehyun looks away and gulps. It still kinda, makes him feel bad, to say the least. His first time was at least with someone who _liked_ him.

 

Doyoung waves off Jaehyun’s kicked puppy look on his face and continues, “What on Earth would make you think I was even half qualified to give you any sort of concrete, usable answer?” He shakes his head.. “Taeyong is my boyfriend. He knows _things_. I asked him for you.”

 

Jaehyun shoves another donut in his mouth. Maybe if he eats them fast enough without chewing he’ll choke and die. That’s how he feels like right now, anyway. “He’ll tell Yuta,” Jaehyun whines.

 

Doyoung shrugs. “Terribly sorry but it’s not my problem.” He laughs, but at least, Jaehyun notices, he’s polite enough to laugh behind his hot chocolate mug again.

 

“Anyway,” Doyoung says, “according to Taeyong and _urbandictionary.com_ , a size queen is someone who only hooks up with people who have big dicks.”

 

“But I’ve slept with my fair share of people who don’t have big dicks.”

 

Doyoung gives him an _eye_.

 

“I’m not… referring to you of course. You were, um, great,” Jaehyun is quick to clarify.

 

“Please do not talk about _us,_ that was a level of ‘barf’ I never wanna feel again.”

 

“Thank god, okay same.”

 

Doyoung rolls his eyes. “You probably just didn’t even realize that all you wanted was a bigger dick. It happens.”

 

Doyoung probably sees the look of confusion on Jaehyun’s face and takes pity on him. “I didn’t know I was into spanking until I tried it,” Doyoung whispers. He is so evil.

 

Jaehyun looks up at Doyoung’s face, a smirk gracing his features.

 

“I didn’t… I don’t think I needed to know that.”

 

“I do the spanking,” Doyoung continues, ignoring Jaehyun’s comments and the sheer look of terror that crosses his features. It’s amazing really, Jaehyun surmises, how he and Doyoung have reached this point where they can actually stand to be friends with each other and not awkwardly waltz around the other person when they see them in public. Jaehyun mostly did the waltzing and the seeing. Doyoung usually went back for the broom.

 

The mental image of Taeyong on his hands and knees, getting spanked by _Doyoung_ , no less, assaults Jaehyun’s brain. He shakes his head to rid himself of that image. He shudders. “Please,” he says, “no more.”

 

Doyoung giggles—like he actually fucking giggles, and this time he doesn’t try to hide it.

 

“This is what I get for trying to make amends,” Jaehyun lays his face down on the table.

 

“No,” Doyoung corrects, “this is what you get for sleeping with half the dance squad at uni.”

 

Jaehyun lifts an eye and looks at Doyoung, who nonchalantly eats his croissant, unaware of Jaehyun’s inner turmoil. “I deserved that, probably.”

 

“You did,” Doyoung wipes his hands on a napkin. “In any case, Jaehyun, you like big dicks. So what. I’m sure whoever opened your mind up to such a thing deserves a reward.”

 

Jaehyun mumbles something against the table top and Doyoung says, “Speak up, sweetheart, I can’t hear you.”

 

Jaehyun lifts up his head and sighs into his palm. “I said… his dick looked like mine fully hard but his wasn’t even hard yet.”

 

Doyoung gives him a quizzical look.

 

“I’m not admitting to measuring my own dick, but if I had—which I have never done by the way—then I’m sure my dick fully hard is like, a nice 7 and a half inches, which means that Johnny’s soft dick is 7 and a half inches, which means that if his dick was hard it would be _huge._ ”

 

“Uh huh,” Doyoung rolls his eyes, “never measured your dick, right?”

 

“No, never—why would I?”

 

“Eat your donut, Jaehyun,” Doyoung points to the last donut left, “and please, please for the love of god, don’t ever ask me for advice ever _again_.”

 

***

 

Jaehyun lazes about his apartment, the heat outside making it so unbearable to do anything. He watches Johnny again (like he usually does) and remains focussed on the task at hand. Which is of course, trying to spot Johnny’s dick through his very loose sweatpants (that are somehow always only loose in the front).

 

“You alright there?” Johnny asks, and Jaehyun would blush at being caught staring, but that was if he had shame. Jaehyun has absolutely no shame now, and with his extracurricular activities left in the past, he now just spends nearly all of his free time doing homework, staring at Johnny, looking at the wall, imagining Johnny, and of course, jerking himself off to the wonderful thoughts of Johnny that plague his mind every night.

 

Really, it’s a great system he’s got going on. Soon, he thinks his dick is going to start to chafe. He’s trying to make the most of it here.

 

Johnny settles down next to Jaehyun on the too small couch. It’s playing reruns of _Boys Over Flowers_ with the volume on low. It’s been a week since Jaehyun saw Johnny’s dick outline, and three days since Doyoung roasted him in the coffee shop. Jaehyun kind of likes the fact that Johnny hasn’t brought up their unfortunate encounter. But at the same time, he kind of wishes he would. It’s not so terrible, right? To walk in on your extremely hot roommate working out, to stare at his body and imagine smelling his sweat, and to then proceed to want to brain yourself on his big, beautiful co—

 

“I never got to ask you,” Johnny starts, and Jaehyun pulls his brain out of the gutter to listen intently. He enjoys it when he and Johnny can just talk to each other, all school work and nonsense aside, and just kind of bask in each others presence. It happened so little before, when Jaehyun was still caught up in his own world, and now that he’s got the time to actually get close to his roommate, he revels in it.

 

“Why did you stop, uh… _you know_ ,” Johnny says.

 

“Come again?” Jaehyun replies.

 

“Come on, Jae. You know what I mean,” Johnny laughs, “why’d you stop messing around? It seemed like you were having a lot of fun, at least.”

 

“I was,” Jaehyun admits, he kind of didn’t ever think that Johnny would bring this up. He always seemed so aloof and content whenever Jaehyun came home late, or asked him to come home late, or asked Johnny questions about if he was a good person or not. “I was having fun, but then it stopped being fun. I took your advice, by the way.”

 

Johnny gives him a small smile, “What advice?” Jaehyun thinks Johnny just wants him to say it.

 

“To, y’know, say sorry. It worked with the guy in question—who I originally asked you about anyway—and then I kinda just. Went back farther and apologized to someone else. Not all of them mind you, but uh, just the one who I think was hurt the most.”

 

“Doyoung?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

The air around them feels different somehow. Jaehyun imagines he’s standing on a precipice, and his actions right now affect the way that the rest of his life will go.  “It takes a lot to admit your mistakes,” Johnny starts out slowly, “but even more to go to the person you hurt and tell them you’re sorry.”

 

“You kind of inspired me,” Jaehyun blurts out, and then immediately regrets letting his monkey brain say anything.

 

“I inspire you?” Johnny has a sparkle in his eye.

 

“Shut up,” Jaehyun leans his shoulder into Johnny’s side. “I just took your advice. And then turned a new leaf. The sleeping around thing stopped being fun after that.”

 

“Hmm,” Johnny says. He gives Jaehyun that _look,_ again, the look that plagues his every wet dream, the one that’s some sort of mixture of exasperation and disgust, except Johnny’s eyes still sparkle, and there doesn’t seem to be much disgust in his features anymore. His mouth is still shaped in a smirk, and Jaehyun would once again call it almost… _coy,_ if he was absolutely 100 percent sure that Johnny was flirting with him.

 

“Sirius is the brightest star in the night sky,” Johnny says without preamble. Jaehyun has tried to follow along with Johnny’s major over the years, but the influx of extremely difficult math and theoretical applications makes it kind of hard to follow along. This however, he knows. Thank god for that constellation coloring book Ten bought him for his birthday last year as a joke.

 

“Most people think it’s one single star, but it’s actually a system of stars,” Johnny continues, “they work together. And Sirius has always been a tool for navigation, for people finding their way back home.”

 

“That’s very interesting, Johnny,” Jaehyun says, enraptured.

 

“It’s also known as the ‘Dog Star’ because of the constellation Orion the Hunter. A literature major might suggest the poetry in naming a star after a dog. Something about the loyalty.” Johnny laughs. “I’m not a literature major though. And the stars get their names because other people named them first.”

 

Jaehyun hums in agreement, not sure where Johnny’s line of thinking is going.

 

“I’m glad you’ve found your Sirius,” he says, “your _purpose._ That has to be the brightest star of all.” Johnny gives Jaehyun a small smile. He thinks that something really has shifted—something has changed so thusly in the last ten minutes of their conversation.

 

“Thank you Johnny. I really think I have found a purpose.”

 

Johnny smiles bigger.

 

But since Johnny isn’t flirting with him, Jaehyun just offers him the same smile back. If they were dating, he would kiss him. He would lean over and press hips lips to Johnny’s cheek and then envelop him in a hug. But they’re not. So he leans his head on Johnny’s shoulder instead.

 

Everything about him is huge, Jaehyun notes mentally, and then his sex-deprived monkey brain decides to remind him that Johnny’s got the Lochness Penis in his pants and Jaehyun bites his bottom lip so hard to suppress a groan that the noise comes out as a strangled choke.

 

“We gotta get you some medicine,” Johnny notes, offhandedly, “you keep making this choking noise, you might have a sore throat.”

 

“I _wish_ I had a sore throat,” Jaehyun mumbles to himself.

 

“What was that?”

 

“Nothing, just tired.” And Jaehyun does actually yawn, so he’s glad that adds some truth to his story. Johnny turns the TV volume up. He says, “You can lay your head on my lap, if you’re tired.” Jaehyun feels like Johnny might be in the same weird atmosphere he’s in too. He nods his head in thanks, and lays his head down in Johnny’s lap. He ignores the pressing feeling that Johnny’s monster cock is right _there_ , and just allows himself to soak in Johnny’s presence for the rest of the night.

 

Jaehyun closes his eyes. He lets the TV show wash over him as he falls asleep. _It’s better to regret your actions instead of regretting because you didn’t do anything._

 

Jaehyun thinks he agrees.

 

***

 

When he wakes up, the first thing Jaehyun notices is that it’s still too dark to be morning yet. He looks out the small window, seeing the moon still shining. The second thing Jaehyun notices, when he settles, is that he is in fact _in_ bed. He does remember falling asleep on the couch, on Johnny’s lap of all places, the soft murmurs of the TV lulling him into sleep. This means then, of course, that Johnny _carried_ him to bed. Jaehyun whimpers like a fucking _dog,_ at the thought. Like, he actually feels his cheeks heat up in embarrassment and envy at his sleeping form being carried by Johnny and his stupid ass not being awake to realize it. Jaehyun tries to settle back into bed, but it feels useless. He’s wide awake now, memories of the night before plaguing his mind. He really likes Johnny. And he feels like he’s somehow made Johnny proud by working on improving himself.

 

It’s that thought that makes Jaehyun more nervous than he’s ever been in his life. He’s been nursing whatever these feelings are for Johnny since his first year of college, when Johnny was the older and cooler junior who got stuck bunking with a freshman by a clerical error. But Johnny had taken it in stride back then, and still takes it in stride now. He’s working slowly through his degree—Jaehyun doesn’t blame him, all the math involved sounds awful—and he went half time for a few semesters to work more so he could save up money. Jaehyun appreciates Johnny’s existence in his life, in whatever capacity he’s had over the last three years. He knows Johnny and he aren’t like, super pals, or best friends in the same way that Jaehyun is with Yuta or Ten, but he feels like they’re kindred spirits somehow. And he still considers Johnny so integral to his life and his time in college that he can’t imagine what it will be like without him.

 

All these emotions flit in and out of Jaehyun’s brain at rapid speed, coupled with the realization that he hasn’t had sex in over a month is enough to make him want to act out again. It’s enough to make him question exactly what he’s doing here. Exactly what he's going to achieve by waiting.

 

And waiting and waiting.

 

He sighs wistfully to himself. Posits that he could possibly wait forever, he’s waited so goddamn long already. It’s not enough to imagine Johnny’s warmth next to him, he _wishes_ it really was.

 

And all these thoughts of Johnny—his smile, his warmth, his body, his dick, fill up Jaehyun’s brain with rapid fire speed. He shoves a hand down his pants and feels himself already growing hard.

 

He shucks off the thin white shirt he was wearing, and pushes his pants down his thighs. He’s going to do this, yeah, so he might as well enjoy himself.

 

Jaehyun spits into his palm and then grips his cock like it’s on fire. It’s kind of gross, part of him thinks, but his emotions are so stretched out, he feels so thin, he doesn’t have it in him to care anymore.

 

“Ugh,” he groans, as he carefully works his shaft. He runs a thumb over the head of his dick, the nail of his finger just grazing the slit. He feels his eyes roll back in his head. Jaehyun thinks of that afternoon again, and reimagines that singular bead of sweat that dripped from Johnny’s collarbone and slowly made its way down his broad chest. He strokes himself to the memory of Johnny’s pert nipples, erect from all the exercise, and lets his mind wander to the memory of seeing Johnny’s cock outlined in his tight, _tight,_ red workout shorts. Jaehyun tugs on his cock so fast he feels like he’s going to explode.

 

“Johnny, Johnny,” he pants into the darkness, the soft light of the moon twinkling through the small window.

 

“Oh, Johnny,” Jaehyun moans, as he pulls his cock on the upstroke one last time, and he’s so grateful that Johnny sleeps like the dead. Because as the visions of Johnny’s hands, face, thighs, and ass, cross in front of Jaehyun’s eye one more time, nothing would be worse than Johnny hearing him jerk off.

 

Jaehyun comes with a soft whimper over his hand.

 

He lays there, high off his orgasm and his eyes teary.

 

 _I think I love him,_ Jaehyun tells himself, then promptly falls back asleep.

 

He wakes up again, hours later, if the congealed cum on his chest is anything to go by. Jaehyun blinks slowly, and turns his head to face the sunlight. _It must be almost noon,_ he surmises, and then gets his sorry ass out of bed. He pulls his sweats back up, and in lieu of putting on a shirt, just grabs the towel hanging over the chair in his room and holds it in front of himself. He rubs a hand across his face, and feels the dried tears at the corners of his eyes.

 

The realization again, hits him fully, and he heaves out one long sigh. Jaehyun covers his face again, really not in the mood to deal with love, bullshit, or anything else for that matter.

 

He sneaks out of his room, as if afraid that Johnny had developed the ability to read minds overnight, and is now privy to all of Jaehyun’s dark fantasies and ugly feelings. Once he’s fully out of his bedroom and making his way towards their shared bathroom, Jaehyun catches sight of Johnny, on the couch, lounging without a shirt on.

 

“Oh, good morning, Jaehyun,” Johnny says, and it’s too cheerful, even to Jaehyuns ears.

 

“It’s noon,” is all Jaehyun says in reply.

 

“Just about,” Johnny lounges, shirtless, seemingly unaware of the absolute _assault_ he is delivering on all of Jaehyun’s senses.

 

“Uh huh,” Jaehyun says dumbly, and makes an aborted movement to the shower.

 

“We can get some lunch afterwards,” comes Johnny’s thoughtful reply, “and invite Yuta and Ten. I have some friends I was gonna meet up with, but I think it’s more fun when there’s more people.”

 

“Sounds great,” Jaehyun says, without anything else to do. His brain is too focused on Johnny’s abs, Johnny’s neck, Johnny’s throat—

 

“Showering!” He squeaks out, before all but braining himself on the door as he tries to jam it open.

 

Jaehyun locks the bathroom door and then sits on the closed toilet, firing off rapid texts to his stupid best friends.

 

 **Size queen:** y’all need to be ready in thirty minutes for lunch

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** wtf why

 

 **Size queen:** Johnny invited me to lunch with his friends and then told me to invite you two

 

 **Yutarus:** oh he’s getting serious now isn’t he

 

 **Size queen:** shut up Yuta I don’t know what happening but he specifically said to invite you two I don’t know why, but please be there

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** on another note I really love how you haven’t changed your screen name or the group chat for that matter

 

 **Size queen:** don’t

 

 **Yutarus:** oh baby let him live, he’s having a crisis right now:)

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** for now at least, you’re off the dragging block

 

 **Size queen:** just get ready, please. And then come over to mine and we’ll head to wherever Johnny wants to go together

 

Jaehyun squeezes his eyes. He still hasn’t told Ten or Yuta about his feelings and Johnny asking him out to lunch—albeit with friends present—is giving him all sorts of knots in his stomach.

 

 **Size queen:** be on your best behavior too by the way

 **Size queen:** I can’t have Johnny’s friends thinking you’re both weirdos

 **Size queen:** Johnny knows y’all are weird but please save his friends

 

 **Yutarus:** you hear that baby he wants us to behave lmao

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** behave??? I don’t behave

 

 **Size queen:** Alright there grimes… just do your best not to embarrass me

 

 **Yutarus:** you want Johnny to loooooveee you~~

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** and kiss and smooch you~~

 

Jaehyun rolls his eyes even though he feels his face heating up.

 

 **Size queen:** I want Johnny to scramble my guts alright? Is that what you fuckers wanna hear? Because there I fuckin said it

 

 **Tendal Jenner** : SCRMALBLE DKSKDKEJDKWJD

 

 **Yutarus:** IM SCREENSHOTTINFG THIS WTF

 

_Yutarus has changed the group name to ‘Scrambled Guts.’_

 

 **Size queen:** I hate you BOTH for making me say that

 **Size queen:** now please get ready

 

Jaehyun throws his phone down into the sink basin and jumps into the shower. He turns the tap on full blast with the hot water, ready to forget his sorrows and his stupid friends in the steam that starts to envelop the tiny shower stall.

 

Jaehyun makes quick work of cleaning himself, paying careful attention to washing the dried cum off his chest and abdomen. Jesus. He soaps up his hair and resists the temptation to let thoughts of Johnny also in the shower invade his thoughts. He cannot—and he really _means it_ , _Lil’ Jaehyun_ —cannot spend any time jerking off in the shower while his roommate is no more than five meters outside the door. Soon enough, Jaehyun turns the water off and starts towel drying his hair. He looks at himself in the fogged up mirror, says, _you can do this… you’re Jung Jaehyun_ , then walks outside the bathroom with the towel slung around his waist as he makes a beeline for his bedroom.

 

Yuta and Ten arrive when Jaehyun’s putting his shirt on, and he can tell it’s them by the awful whistling noises Ten is making in the living room.

 

“You look really nice, Seo,” Ten says, and Jaehyun can hear Johnny’s low chuckle. _Please, dear god, leave him alone._ He rushes out of his bedroom and sees his shitty best friends loitering around—

 

“Uh,” Jaehyun says out loud. Ten _was_ right, unfortunately. Johnny looks real good, like _really_ good, like so good Jaehyun’s about to have an aneurysm and orgasm at the same time, like—

 

“You ready to go, Jaehyun?” Johnny's voice invades like, every waking memory, every dream.

 

“Yeah,” He squeaks out.

 

“This is gonna be fun,” Yuta quips, grabbing Ten’s arm and heading for the door.

 

“Real fun,” Ten agrees, sending Jaehyun a mischievous smile.

 

Johnny knocks shoulders with Jaehyun, “I really want you to meet my friends,” he says, and Jaehyun tells himself that it almost— _almost_ feels like he’s about to be introduced to Johnny’s family. _Almost._

 

Because they’re not dating, of course. And it’s not like this is a date either, or a pre-screening date, or any of those other things it could be. It’s just two friends grabbing lunch with their other friends, and that’s it. Because if Jaehyun imagines it to be anything more than that, absolutely anything else than just lunch, his stupid love monkey heart might beat directly out of his chest and fall at the floor near Johnny’s feet.

 

He has some semblance of pride he needs to keep together, okay.

 

“I can’t wait to meet them,” Jaehyun replies, studying Johnny’s face. He notices the slight furrow of his brow as he listens intently, then the way the corner of his mouth lifts up in a half-smile. Johnny gives him that _look_ again, and Jaehyun sighs. He’s actually excited deep down, to be allowed this inside view into Johnny’s world, to get past the proverbial gate, so to speak, and to be allowed to be with Johnny outside of their usual apartment nonsense—even if only for a little while.

 

Jaehyun watches the way the black fabric of Johnny’s AC/DC graphic tee shirt hugs his broad shoulders, and how the ripped denim jeans and boots give him this grunge-y sort of feel. Jaehyun reaches out a hand and runs it along Johnny’s leather jacket, before pulling it back.

 

Johnny smirks at him as he locks the apartment door and they make their way downstairs, outside, into whatever abyss awaits them.

 

***

 

To say that Jaehyun gets speechless is one thing—because it happens often, and that’s beside the point—but as he stares at Ten and Yuta, he thinks the word has reached a whole new ballgame.

 

 _Thing 1_ and _Thing 2_ stare at each other intently, mouths both hanging slightly open, cheeks tinted pink, and Jaehyun doesn’t even know what to say.

 

“You’ve rendered them both utterly speechless,” Jaehyun says out loud, and Johnny laughs.

 

Yuta makes an aborted sound while Ten sucks in a huge gulp of air.

 

“Hi,” Johnny’s best friend, Sehun, says again, “did I do something wrong?”

 

And so that brings Jaehyun back to this moment, sitting in the booth of this restaurant, while Ten and Yuta exchange equally pained and terrified glances with each other and with Sehun at the same time.

 

They had sat down ten minutes ago and Sehun had walked in five minutes after—with the two knuckleheads acting this way ever since.

 

“Please excuse them,” Jaehyun says from where he’s seated next to Yuta and across from Johnny—go figure—“they don’t know how to be real people.”

 

“We do,” Yuta gasps, but it seems like it takes a lot of energy to push those words out.

 

“Never been in the presence of God before,” Ten sighs dreamily, and even though Yuta glares at Ten, he gives up and nods, “Damn it, you’re right,” he says.

 

“So this is my best friend, Sehun,” Johnny continues, as if the twins in the corner aren’t still pulsing through a shared mental breakdown, “he graduated from NCT a few years ago. Fine Arts: Singing and Dance, top of his class. He dances for EXO studios.”

 

“Oh, well don’t tell him my whole life story, Johnny,” Sehun pinches Johnny’s shoulder and gives Jaehyun a smile.

 

“You must be Jaehyun,” he says.

 

Jaehyun can only nod in agreement, “That’s me,” he says, lamely and belatedly.

 

“Johnny’s told me so _much_ about you,” Sehun says, a little twinkle in his eye.

 

“Oh that’s enough,” Johnny buts in, and Jaehyun notices a flush rise on his cheeks.

 

“There’s a photo of you that still hangs in the dance recital break room,” Ten says, interrupting the flow of conversation but nevertheless needing to voice this specific thought out loud. “You’re… everyone’s—” Ten cuts himself off, unable to formulate words.

 

Sehun ducks his head, shy. “It’s nothing,” he says.

 

“All of us dancers like, look up to you dude. And singers too, oh my god—Doyoung’s gonna _freak_ when we tell him we met… _Oh Sehun,_ ” Yuta says the name with so much reverence Jaehyun kind of wants to make fun of him, but then remembers all the dirt that both Yuta and Ten have on him about the Johnny thing so. Jaehyun tables the jokes. For now at least.

 

The rest of the lunch proceeds in a much calmer fashion, with stories and laughter exchanged among the group. Johnny’s other best friend Taeil shows up a little bit later, and they start the round of introductions again. Jaehyun gives Taeil a small smile, while Taeil passes him over an assessing glare. Jaehyun pushes it out of his mind while he digs into his galbi, picking up food with lightning speed. Damn, he realizes, his nervousness almost got the better of him. Jaehyun turns to check on Yuta and Ten who are somehow sharing multiple plates of food back and forth and not spilling a single drop. They’ve somehow managed to rope Sehun into their charades and are showing him how to use a pair of chopsticks in each hand and grab multiple bits of food at the same time. He shakes his head and looks up. He doesn’t know how those two manage their chaotic energy in such a sufficient way.

 

As Jaehyun continues to eat, he lets the comfortable silence and mindless table chatter wash over and give him comfort. It’s been a while since he’s been outside of an apartment setting  with Yuta and Ten—and even longer then him being out with someone other than those two. Jaehyun chances a glance at Johnny, who he’s carefully tried to avoid staring at the entire time, and sees him engrossed in a deep conversation with Taeil. Something about the look in Johnny’s eyes makes Jaehyun know it has to do with astronomy—his number one life’s passion. Johnny can get so heated, cheeks flushed, eyes focused, when anything about the stars are brought up around him. It’s so adorable.

 

Johnny looks over from his conversation and passes a quick glance to Jaehyun. He offers him a small smile, eyes twinkling. Jaehyun smiles back and then goes back to finishing his food. He figures they’ll be here for a while, so he flags down a waiter and orders a bottle of soju. Might as well have some fun, he surmises. When the waiter comes back, he nods to his friends, who all cheer and join in and drink one. It’s kind of fun, to be surrounded by all these people and to feel their positive energy so swiftly and so eagerly. Jaehyun can’t get enough.

 

Jaehyun is halfway engrossed in a conversation with Yuta when he feels something poking his leg. He doesn’t mind it much, thinking that one of the other boys maybe just knocked into him under the table, so he brushes it aside. He returns back to his conversation with Yuta, but then feels it again.

 

This time however, it’s a deliberate drag of a foot up the inside of his calf, stopping right at the bend of his knee. Jaehyun stops what he’s saying as it’s half out of his mouth, and Yuta gives him a puzzled look.

 

“You alright?”

 

It obviously can’t be Yuta footsie-ing him—the angle’s wrong. Ten’s too far away. He doesn’t think Sehun or Taeil would do that to someone they don’t know. Which obviously means—

 

Jaehyun glances at Johnny’s innocent face, still very much engaged in his conversation with Taeil. However, when Jaehyun looks closer, he notices the slight smirk on Johnny’s features, the little glance he spares in Jaehyun’s direction.

 

 _Oh my god_ , Jaehyun thinks to himself. _Johnny is playing footsie with me under the table._ _Johnny is dragging his foot up my inner thigh under the table where all our friends can see._

 

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my _god._

 

“Earth to Jaehyun,” Yuta waves a hand in front of his face, “dude what’s up?”

 

“Nothing,” Jaehyun squeaks out, entire body taut and on edge. His brain has ceased to function, all words have escaped his memory, and his sex monkey brain is so _close_ to taking full control of his body.

 

 _I will not get hard in a restaurant,_ Jaehyun tells himself at the same time that the toe of Johnny’s boot runs up his inner thigh again. Jaehyun sucks in a deep breath and that gets the attention of Yuta and Taeil.

 

Yuta looks at Jaehyun expectantly, while Taeil gives him this bored look.

 

“I ate a pepper,” Jaehyun sucks in his breath again and drinks some water, “it was pretty spicy!” He hides his face behind the glass.

 

The rest of the lunch proceeds in much the same fashion, which Johnny running his foot up the inside of Jaehyun’s thigh and Jaehyun pretending that his two working brain cells are in fact actually working.

 

They part ways soon after, with promises to all meet up again should everyone’s schedules permit, and a quick photo of Yuta, Ten, and Sehun that Jaehyun assumes Ten is going to laminate and make a shrine too. Yuta and Ten have to leave to make it to dance practice, so Jaehyun bids them a quick goodbye and promises to text them both soon. Jaehyun bids farewell to Johnny’s friends outside the restaurant.

 

“It was really nice to meet you!” Sehun exclaims, and actually moves in to give Jaehyun a hug.

 

“It was nice to meet you too, Sehun-ssi.”

 

“Please,” Sehun steps back and pats Jaehyun’s shoulder, “call me hyung.”

 

“Same here,” Taeil adds, “it was nice to meet you. You’re a good kid, Jaehyun.”

 

Jaehyun feels all warm inside, and actually breathes out a sigh of relief. He is so glad Johnny’s friends like him. He can’t even explain why it feels like the world just lifted off his shoulders.

 

“Thanks hyungs, hope to see you again soon.” Jaehyun waits for Johnny to bid his goodbyes before he walks with him back to the train station.

 

“So,” Jaehyun says, when they’ve been walking in a comfortable silence for ten minutes, “care to tell me what… _that_ was at the restaurant?”

 

“What was what?” Johnny says, voice neutral. Jaehyun turns to look at him and sees Johnny smiling. _He’s gotta be flirting with me,_ Jaehyun thinks.

 

“The footsie.”

 

“What’s footsie?”

 

“Where you ran your foot up the inside of my thigh almost the entire time we ate lunch. With _your_ friends.”

 

Johnny at least has the decency to blush. “That was your thigh? Oh, I’m sorry. I thought it was the table leg.”

 

Jaehyun looks over at Johnny, who keeps his gaze facing forward. “Well it was my leg,” he says.

 

“Soft leg,” is all Johnny says in reply.

 

He flashes Jaehyun a wide grin.

***

 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what he needs to do to thank god for the way things have turned out lately, because never in his entire life has he been allowed to see so _much_ shirtless Johnny in such a short amount of time.

 

The moment they got home, Johnny started undressing in the living room, a sight that gave Jaehyun’s brain both pause and energy, as it rammed up into hyperspeed to absorb every single detail it possibly could. He whips out his phone and sees seven unanswered text messages from _Scrambled Guts_.

 

 **Yutarus:** ok forreal why were u so weird at lunch

 **Yutarus:** what happened

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** guys… oh Sehun T_T

 

 **Yutarus:** I’m literally right here

 **Yutarus:** but fair enough

 

 **Size queen:** Dude… Johnny was playing footsie with me lol

 

The reply is almost instantaneous.

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** FOOTSIE

 **Tendal Jenner:** HE WANTS YOU JAE. HE WANTS YOUR HOT BODY

 **Tendal Jenner:** he needs a place to store that big dick of his

 

 **Yutarus:** HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAH

 

 **Size queen:** Dude I hate you fuckfknffnnddmdnsknxdkdjsndbsnnxjxxnncc

 

Jaehyun just had to glance up from sending that reply to his awful best friends and be met with Johnny peeling off his _jeans,_ too.

 

 **Size queen:** he just took off his jeans

 **Size queen:** what’s happenigngn

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** HES TAKING OFF HIS CLOTHES IN FRONT OF U???AND UR NOT FUCKING???????

 

 **Yutarus:** baby give Jae some time to process this he’s fragile

 

 **Size queen:** oh my god I’m going to die...he is so fucking sexy brb

 

 **Yutarus:** you’re going to go and jerk off aren’t you

 **Yutarus:** aren’t you

 

 **Tendal Jenner:** baby come here I’m bored suck my dick

 

 **Yutarus:** I WILL, Also. Fuck you Jaehyun I hope you enjoy this PHOTO

 

 **Yutarus:** [1 Image Attachment]

 

Jaehyun drops his phone like it caught on fire, and it lands on the group near the sofa. “Jesus,” he says.

 

“Yuta and Ten again?” Johnny says, barely containing a laugh.

 

“They sent me a… you know what? I don’t even want you to know. You don’t need that mental image.” Jaehyun shudders.

 

“Thanks for looking out for me,” Johnny quips.

 

Now that the misery of his friends text messages has left his mind, Jaehyun is once again reminded that Johnny is in fact nearly naked in front of him. He keeps staring, he knows, and Johnny isn’t looking his direction—at least right now—so Jaehyun intends to soak up his fill. And replenish his spank bank fantasies.

 

“Like what you see?” Johnny murmurs, and it takes all of Jaehyun’s concentration to let _that_ soak in. He looks up at Johnny’s face, which is sporting his tell-tale smirk and look combo. Jaehyun feels his mental dick get hard on the _spot_ from just that look alone, while he wrestles with convincing his psychical dick to _stay the fuck down, boy._

 

“Haha uh…”

 

“I could lend you my workout routine if you’d like,” Johnny says as he pulls on the pair of sweats he left thrown over the back of the couch. Jaehyun is utterly speechless.

 

Johnny is nursing the biggest fucking smirk imaginable on his face, he’s biting his bottom lip between his teeth to suppress a laugh. Jaehyun wants to tell him he’s so cute, wants to tell him that he has _other_ workout ideas in mind, but instead he says:

 

“That’s hilarious, Johnny, I’m taking a nap.” And then promptly walks into the side table near the sofa, tripping over himself, before standing up straight and making a beeline for his room. Johnny’s laughter accompanies the air he leaves behind.

 

***

 

The next time Jaehyun walks out and sees Johnny shirtless, Johnny looks at him and says, “Got your fill yet?”

 

Jaehyun about faces back into the bathroom, intent to sit on the toilet seat until the redness on his cheeks and the flush on his chest subsides.

 

***

 

They’re with friends again, when Johnny does the _thing._ The stupid thing that Jaehyun hates but also loves.

 

He’s also told Yuta and Ten about the development in his feelings. Yuta had patted him on the back and said, “Buddy did you think we were stupid?”

 

And Ten had cried. “You’re a real boy after all,” he wiped the tears from his eyes with the corner of Yuta’s shirt. “A real boy.”

 

“That’s enough,” Jaehyun had muttered.

 

He’s brought back to the present, which is Yuta and Ten’s much bigger apartment, spread out in the living room couches. Doyoung and Taeyong are also here, and Johnny takes a swift interest in the dance number that the boys have been trying to teach Doyoung.

 

“Can you guys teach me?” He asks, when they run through the steps once again. Jaehyun sits on the couch, a soda in his hand.

 

The thing that Johnny’s doing, is taking off his _fucking_ shirt. Now his stupid best friends have roped Taeyong and Doyoung into this mess, who are catcalling Johnny to hell and back—but he’s so _unfazed._

 

“What?” Johnny says innocently, “I don’t want to get my shirt sweaty. It’s nice.”

 

Ten wolf whistles. Jaehyun wants to smash the can of soda against his head.

 

Jaehyun watches Ten teach Johnny the dance moves, and it’s clear from the first step that Johnny is _good._ Not like, Ten or Taeyong levels of good, but Johnny can hold his own when it comes to dancing with them both. Sure, he’s a little shaky and awkward on his long legs, but he’s such a _beautiful sight_ to behold that Jaehyun is sure that if Johnny broke out into the cha cha slide it would be the _hottest_ thing to ever grace this Earth.

 

“You look like someone told you basketball was cancelled forever,” Doyoung punches Jaehyun’s arm and sits down next to him on the couch.

 

“You’re enjoying this far too much,” Jaehyun replies to his soda can.

 

“You’re right, I am soaking up every second of your misery.”

 

“Please.”

 

“It just gets better and better the longer it goes on. Man where’s the popcorn?”

 

Jaehyun gives Doyoung a look to which he replies with a raised eyebrow.

 

“I hate that we’re friends now,” Jaehyun says and buries his face in his hands.

 

“I’m kind of loving it,” Doyoung smacks his lips evilly. And yes, it is _evilly._

 

“He has to know what he’s doing to me, right? Like? He has to know?”

 

Doyoung shrugs, “Some people are just really dense.” And he gives Jaehyun a pointed look.

 

“Alright, fair.” Jaehyun says. He meets Doyoung’s eyes as he motions for Jaehyun to look to where the others are dancing. Jaehyun follows Doyoung’s gaze and promptly wants to shove his fist in his mouth.

 

Sweat glistens on Johnny’s chest, and Jaehyun wants to cry.  

 

“Join us, Jae _honey_ ,” Johnny says, and it’s like the entire world has toppled over. _He called me…_ _honey…_

 

Jaehyun registers Doyoung tugging on his shirt and giving him this strange look. He notices Yuta, Ten, and Taeyong have stopped moving all together and are staring at Jaehyun with equally strange faces and mouths hanging slightly open.

 

“Um… _honey_?” Jaehyun kind of looks at Johnny and he can feel his own brain cells working triple time to process everything that’s happening. So. Much. Everything.

 

Johnny just smirks at him. “Can we run through the dance coreo again? I wanna see Jae _honey_ try it!”

 

Jaehyun looks at Ten, eyes bugging out of his head. And Ten snaps out of his shock log enough to start laughing. At Jaehyun. To his face.

 

Soon enough the rest of the musketeers are laughing at Jaehyun—with the exception of Johnny, of course, who just looks so _pleased_ with himself. He runs a hand through his lightly sweaty hair and over his abs.

 

Jaehyun stares at Johnny’s chest while he tries to make peace with the way his life is now.

 

“You’re hungry today, huh?” Johnny's voice brings Jaehyun’s attention to his _eyes, damnit, his eyes,_ and Jaehyun realizes he’s been caught staring. Again.

 

The worst part is this happening in front of all his asshole friends—who are now rolling on the floor, dry heaving, hands clutched to their chests as their silent seal clapping laughter reverberates in the room.

 

“I hate you,” Jaehyun says to Ten as he gets off the couch. Ten doesn’t even spare him a pity glance.

 

Jaehyun kicks him with his bare foot. “Now teach me these fucking dance moves.”

 

***

 

The worst thing for Jaehyun now, is that seeing Johnny shirtless or in underwear only has become something of a common occurrence now. Jaehyun can trace the outline of Johnny’s cock in his underwear from behind his eyelids. He can count the freckles that adorn Johnny’s chest the way someone would count sheep to fall asleep, and even worse—Jaehyun has the specific arch of each of Johnny’s abdomen muscles memorized, the way they lift and valley across his taut stomach. Jaehyun kind of wants to lick Johnny’s navel.

 

And he still wants to shove his face in Johnny’s armpit.

 

The rest of the semester finishes out slowly with very little fanfare, as Jaehyun wraps up his junior year of accounting and prepares for the onslaught of what senior year will bring. Johnny’s kind of a ghost—when he isn’t showing off his _hot bod_ —and Jaehyun figures it has more to do with Johnny preparing for his final semester of college than anything else really. They’re all kind of ragged during exam season. Ten and Yuta have been preparing for the end of the semester showcase like crazy, an event that Jaehyun has been toying with the idea of inviting Johnny too for the last week.

 

“Just do it,” Ten had said, when Jaehyun suggested the idea during a night of drinking in Ten’s apartment. Ten threw a bottle cap in his face.

 

“Uh…”

 

“If you don’t I will, and then I’ll fuck Johnny. And then I’ll tell you all about his big dick and how amazing it felt.”

 

“I’m literally right here,” Yuta said, sprawled out on the rug.

 

“I know and I love you sweetheart but we’re trying to get Jaehyun his man. You can watch though.”

 

Yuta shrugged, “Fair enough. Invite him to come along.”

 

And so now Jaehyun sits on a chair in their tiny dining room, eating tofu soup for dinner while he sits across from Johnny who is wearing nothing but the thinnest and tightest black tank top on this god forsaken planet.

 

Ever since that day in Ten and Yuta’s apartment, Johnny’s gotten more bold with his style choices, his comments, and his _coyness._ Jaehyun has reasoned that Johnny is _indeed_ flirting with him now—he’d be absolutely stupid not to realize—but he’s kind of at a _loss_ as to why Johnny would be flirting with him. They’ve known each other for three years. Johnny never seemed even a tad bit interested.

 

“So,” Jaehyun says, “doyouwannagowithmetothedancerecital?”

 

“Come again?” Johnny replies, “sorry you were speaking a little too fast.”

 

Jaehyun takes a deep breath. “Do you wanna um, maybe go with me the dance showcase,” Jaehyun looks up from his soup, “Ten and Yuta will also be there,” he tacks on like an afterthought.

 

“Like a date?” Johnny says, meeting Jaehyun’s gaze and smirking.

 

Really, that’s. That’s _it_ , Jaehyun thinks. He can’t take one more fucking second of Johnny’s _looks_ or Johnny’s _gazes_ or Johnny’s deliberate fucking _flirting_ that drives Jaehyun up the wall.

 

He also cannot take the _epic_ level of blue balls he’s had to endure over the entire fucking semester because of Johnny.

 

“Yes,” Jaehyun actually replies, “like a damn _date._ ” He matches Johnny’s gaze and watches and he’s now the one to look caught off guard.

 

“I want to take you out,” Jaehyun blurts out, letting his monkey brain finally take full control, “I want to take you out on a date and have dinner with just us and laugh at your stupid jokes and stare at you. For the whole dinner,” Jaehyun takes a deep breath, “then I want to _fuck_ you.” _Go big or go home,_ he tells himself.

 

“Wow,” Johnny replies, breathless.

 

Jaehyun smirks, he’s finally bested Johnny at his own game.

 

“He finally— _finally_ —admits it,” comes Johnny’s triumphant response, and suddenly Jaehyun has lost all footing on whatever shaky ground he was standing on.

 

Soon enough, Jaehyun finds himself out of his seat and pressed up against the wall, Johnny’s face just centimeters from his. “It took you awhile to catch up,” Johnny mouths against Jaehyun’s ear.

 

“I’m—uh. What?” Comes Jaehyun’s utterly intelligent response.

 

Johnny mouths at Jaehyun’s neck and bites down. Jaehyun lets the absolute _ugliest_ groan escape his mouth, and he would be embarrassed if he wasn’t so. Fucking. Turned. On.

 

Johnny steps back and gazes—almost, _lovingly_ , Jaehyun thinks—into his eyes. “I’m kind of obsessed with you,” he says. And the words settle like cement blocks in the pit of Jaehyun’s stomach.

 

“Actually,” Johnny qualifies, “obsessed isn’t the right word, more like… desperately crushing on for the better part of the last year. That sums it up more.”

 

Jaehyun chokes. “You're really straight forward aren’t you.”

 

“I don’t hold my punches.”

 

“Making me wait?”

 

“Testing you out. Seeing if it was worth it.”

 

And that feels like a sucker punch to the gut. But Jaehyun knows he deserves it. He hasn’t been the… _best_ roommate the last three years.

 

“You used to mess around so much, I lost track,” Johnny continues, and his thumb traces a pattern into the junction of Jaehyun’s neck and collarbone. “I didn’t really care to be a notch on your bedpost. I wanted something real.”

 

And Jaehyun kind of watches as the last few years blitz before his eyes, never catching Johnny messing around with someone, never seeing him going on dates, never doing the same thing Jaehyun did.

 

“I just didn’t have the time, to be honest,” Johnny answers Jaehyun’s unasked question, “and like I said, if I wanted something, I wanted something real.”

 

“Me?” Jaehyun blurts.

 

“You,” Johnny nuzzles against his neck. “It’s been kind of beautiful to watch you grow up these last two and a half months. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so engrossed in your homework in the entire time I’ve known you. There’s nothing sexier than watching you chew on a mechanical pencil while staring at your textbook. Or solving basic math with your big ass calculator.”

 

Jaehyun laughs, “My extracurriculars were fun though.”

 

“Oh, I bet,” Johnny laughs, “remember that—“

 

Jaehyun cuts him off, “I’d rather forget.”

 

“Spread eagle. _Backwards._ It took me a month to forget the way your face looked when that guy was pushing into you.”

 

“You could do it, instead.”

 

“Yeah?” Johnny gives him that _look_ , again. And _Yes,_ Jaehyun thinks, you could do it again and again and again and _again._

 

“My room,” is all he says.

 

***

 

Jaehyun lays himself on his bed, watching carefully as Johnny divests himself of all his clothes. He palms his dick through his sweatpants. Jaehyun unabashedly stares.

 

“Still can’t get enough, huh?”

 

“Never,” Jaehyun’s eyes don’t leave where Johnny’s hand rests. He can look without shame now—not that he had any in the first place.

 

“It takes a while for me to get hard,” Johnny says, still rubbing his dick, Jaehyun watches as he actually shyly blushes. The _beautiful_ thing. “My dick is… kind of big.” And he doesn’t say it with any cockiness or anything. Just simply states it like a fact. The sky is blue. The grass is green. _Johnny’s dick is huge._

 

“I, uh. I know. I’ve kind of been obsessed with it,” Jaehyun answers truthfully.

 

“I could tell, Jae _honey_. You’re not really subtle.”

 

Jaehyun moans, “Please fuck me already.”

 

“It’s gonna take some time, just be patient.”

 

Johnny takes off his pants and Jaehyun’s eyes roll to the back of his head. He feels his jaw hit the floor, and the rest of the world slow down to the smallest second—the second in which Jaehyun looks at Johnny’s half hard cock and realizes that it’s nearly the size of his forearm—and starts to tear up.

 

“I’ve never slept with a crier before,” Johnny giggles.

 

“Please shut up,” Jaehyun wipes his eyes, “it’s… beautiful.”

 

Johnny gets on the bed and hovers over Jaehyun, who took off his clothes sans boxers while he stared at Johnny. Jaehyun looks down to where Johnny’s dick would lie against his abdomen, except it’s too _heavy_ so it currently rests slightly against Jaehyun’s hip. He pushes his boxers down, freeing his own dick, and Jaehyun would probably suffer from severe performance anxiety if he was the type of guy who cared about his partner having a bigger dick than him. In fact, if it was humanly possible, Jaehyun would predict that all the unnecessary blood his body could send to his dick would flow down immediately, as their sheer size difference is turning him on even more.

 

“It really gets you up,” Johnny says, still bracing himself above Jaehyun.

 

“ _You_ get me up,” Jaehyun responds, “but uh… yeah… _Big John_ helps.”

 

“Please do _not_ call my dick ‘Big John.’”

 

“Lil’ John?”

 

“Really?”

 

“How… big are you?”

 

“Uh… 25 centimeters… give or take a few. Fully hard of course.”

 

“Fully— _fully hard_? Is this,” Jaehyun points downward, “not fully hard?!”

 

“I told you,” Johnny scolds, “it takes awhile. That’s a lot of blood.”

 

“I want to die on your dick.”

 

“I don’t want you to die.”

 

“Please. Pleaseeeeeeeeeee,” Jaehyun begs.

 

“Scoot up,” Johnny pulls him up the bed himself. Jaehyun is so turned on by just the strength of Johnny.

 

“I have to stretch you. It’s going to take a while.”

 

“Whatever, please. Touch me.”

 

Johnny puts a hand on Jaehyun’s dick and Jaehyun nearly comes from the sensation alone. Johnny’s hand is soft against Jaehyun’s needy skin. He runs a finger up the inside of Jaehyun’s thigh, nail lightly scratching against the sensitive skin there.

 

“Please, oh my god,” Jaehyun begs.

 

Johnny looks at Jaehyun so intently, like he’s studying every dip of his body. Like he’s trying to map out Jaehyun’s chest, trace the curvature of his shoulders and collarbones with his eyes—like he’s trying to commit all of him to memory.

 

“Hey,” Jaehyun whispers, placing a hand over Johnny’s where it rests on Jaehyun’s thigh. “I’m not going anywhere. You can look all you want. For um. The rest of your life.” Jaehyun says that last part so breathless, averting his gaze as he does so.

 

“I’d like that,” Johnny responds, nuzzling his face into Jaehyun’s shoulder. He starts sucking a bruise there, and Jaehyun whines high in his throat. “I’d like to take you anywhere. Every _where_. My best friends approve of you,” Johnny giggles against Jaehyun’s skin.

 

“They kind of scare me.”

 

“Sehun thinks you’re sweet. Taeil thought you were trouble.” Johnny moves to look Jaehyun in the eye. “They really like you.”

 

“I really… I _really_ like you.”

 

Johnny kisses Jaehyun, full on the mouth, as they roll over to lay side by side on the bed. Jaehyun can feel Johnny’s dick pressed against his thigh, but he can also feel the heat of Johnny’s tongue as it explores his mouth. He bites Johnny’s lip and _pulls,_ causing Johnny to groan. Jaehyun gets brave, and puts a hand between their bodies. He grabs Johnny’s dick, and the half second in which he realizes that his hand can _barely_ fit around the base of Johnny’s cock makes him moan straight into Johnny’s mouth.

 

“You like that, huh?” Johnny gasps, “you like that I’m so big? You want me to fill you up, baby? Hmmm, you get me so riled up. I can’t wait to be inside you.”

 

Jaehyun all but _squeaks_ in response. “The lube—it’s right there,” Jaehyun points to his drawer and Johnny reaches over and grabs it.

 

“Not even inside the drawer? On top of it?”

 

“It’s been a long three months.”

 

“Touché.”

 

Johnny uncaps the bottle and puts an extremely generous amount on his fingers, he rubs it to get it warm. Jaehyun watches as Johnny’s other hand grabs a pillow from the top of the bed. Jaehyun lifts his hips up and Johnny places the pillow underneath him. Jaehyun sucks in a breath when he feels Johnny’s fingers circle his rim, just pressing feather light touches.

 

“I’m going to start, okay?” Johnny says.

 

Jaehyun nods, tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth.

 

“Words.”

 

“Yes, Johnny. Please start.” Jaehyun feels another sensation wash over him, the urge to be a _good boy_ for Johnny almost enveloping him entirely. _Wow_ , he thinks, _saving that for later._

 

Johnny pushes one finger inside and Jaehyun hums along. “Ugh, your hands are so nice. Your fingers are so pretty.” Jaehyun once again, blurts out the thoughts flitting through his sex monkey brain. “God, I said that out loud didn’t I?”

 

“Uh huh,” Johnny snorts, stretching Jaehyun out. He adds a second finger. “You’re so tight.”

 

“It’s been a while.” Jaehyun starts panting now, mouth open, hair starting to stick to his face with the effort. He plants his feet on the bed and spreads his legs open wider.

 

“Ple— _oh!—_ please, Johnny,” Jaehyun whines, he braces one of his hands on Johnny’s shoulders. Johnny keeps fingering him, alternating his angle and his movements. Johnny adds a third finger and Jaehyun watches Johnny’s face, a look of utter concentration covering his features. It’s the same way he looked when Jaehyun caught him working out that one time—like a lifetime ago. Johnny’s brows are furrowed together, deep in thought, like he’s trying so hard to—

 

Jaehyun lets out a near inhuman screen and his back arches off the bed.

 

“Found it,” Johnny sing songs.

 

Jaehyun smacks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. Breathless. “Do it again.”

 

So Johnny does, again and again. Running his fingers over Jaehyun’s prostate in rapid fire succession, and Jaehyun can feel the tears at the corners of his eyes, he’s never felt so good, sex has never felt so good, no one has ever felt _so good._

 

Johnny adds his pinky finger into the mix and Jaehyun whines, “Just give me your dick, please. Please I’m ready.”

 

“Trust me when I say you aren’t.” Johnny runs his fingers over Jaehyun’s prostate again. He sees stars.

 

Jaehyun looks at Johnny’s dick, still resting slightly off his abdomen. Johnny is crouched between Jaehyun’s thighs, and Jaehyun watches the sweat that drips down from his neck to his hip. “Oh shit,” Johnny says, looking at Jaehyun. He’s got a blush tinting his cheekbones. “I need to get a condom, I’ll be right back.” He moves to get up but Jaehyun traps him with his legs.

 

“I have some.”

 

“Not in my size.”

 

“Then never mind. The condom that is.”

 

Johnny looks at Jaehyun’s face, fingers still moving inside him. “You sure?”

 

“I’m clean I promise… and I trust you so.” Jaehyun shrugs. _I love you, so,_ he thinks to himself.

 

Johnny smiles. “Alright then,” he gets back to fingering Jaehyun open, little by little. And Jaehyun goes back to studying Johnny’s face, his body, his shoulders. He removes his fingers from inside Jaehyun and Jaehyun whines at the feeling. His dick has not flagged _once_ since they started. Johnny flips the cap of the lube open again and spreads some more on his hands before rubbing it up and down his dick. Jaehyun is mesmerized by the sight.

 

“That’s going inside me,” Jaehyun murmurs.

 

“Yes it is— _ugh_ ,” Johnny groans, still stroking himself. “You’re gonna need to tell me when to move. And it’s going to hurt.”

 

“Please, please just put it inside me.” Jaehyun spreads his legs even wider and Johnny lets out a growl. Jaehyun feels his dick twitch at the sound. Johnny grabs his dick and brings it to Jaehyun’s entrance, pushing in slowly.

 

“O— _oh,_ ” Jaehyun lets out a broken sound.

 

“I told you,” Johnny says, “relax, please.”

 

Jaehyun lets out a deep breath and let’s Johnny’s presence wash over him. He can feel him pushing deeper, deeper, inside, and it feels like he’s being split in half.

 

It feels like magic. Like a million filaments of electricity are condensed into one space—the place where he and Johnny are connected—together. _Here_ , on his lumpy bed. _Here_ , at night, while the moon twinkles through his small window. _Here,_ with Johnny. No place else he’d rather be.

 

“Ugh, you’re so _beautiful_ , baby,” Johnny’s all the way inside him now, and Jaehyun has never felt more _full_ in his life.

 

“How do you feel?”

 

“Full. It stings,” Jaehyun gasps, “please move.”

 

And Johnny does. He starts shallow thrusts to ease Jaehyun into it and Jaehyun whimpers at every one. Johnny moves one of Jaehyun’s legs over his shoulder to improve the angle as he starts to pick up speed. Johnny stares into Jaehyun’s eyes too, something that Jaehyun would’ve found so unnerving from literally anyone else.

 

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Johnny punctuates with words with thrusts, and Jaehyun feels them deep in his core. His lower back stings from how he’s bent to accommodate Johnny’s height, his size, his _everything._ Jaehyun knows he’s going to feel this tomorrow. Jaehyun hopes he feels it for the rest of the _week_.

 

“Me too.” Jaehyun replies, breathless. Johnny chases after his mouth for a kiss, but they’re panting so hard, they just end up sharing air. Johnny keeps going, keeps thrusting. Jaehyun lets the scent of Johnny overwhelm him.

 

“Please blow my back out,” Jaehyun says, a couple of minutes later, breaking their comfortable silence.

 

“I intend to make sure you can’t walk tomorrow.”

 

“ _Johnny._ ”

 

Johnny grabs Jaehyun’s arms and pins them above his head on the mattress, while his hips pick up speed. The pain has subsided now, only to be replaced with this undercurrent of pleasure, this electrifying wave of _desire_ that thrums through Jaehyun’s entire body. Johnny moves Jaehyun’s other leg so they’re both over his shoulders now, and the change of angle let’s him him right at—

 

“Jo— _uhh_ —Johnny,” Jaehyun whines, the tears prickling the corners of his eyes from how good Johnny feels inside him. “Again, again, again,” he shouts.

 

Johnny thrusts harder and faster, his movements going erratic inside of Jaehyun. Jaehyun’s back arches off the bed, Johnny moving his hand from Jaehyun’s hands to the bed so he can brace himself. He thrusts long, hard, hitting Jaehyun’s prostate, and Jaehyun’s rocking up so far he feels like his head is going to explode. The tears do stream down his face, his lower back is hurting so bad, but _God._ Jaehyun has never felt so much love in his life.

 

He moves his hands and yanks on Johnny’s hair, running his fingers through the sweat. He places a palm in the dip of Johnny’s collarbone, scratches his nails down Johnny’s chest. Johnny keeps hitting his prostate, keeps making Jaehyun see stars, keeps going and going and it’s so much, it’s so much—

 

“I’m going to come,” Jaehyun grunts out.

 

“Do it, do it,” Johnny pants, “I’m so close. You’re so _tight._ Baby, you make me feel so good.”

 

And that’s it for Jaehyun. He comes untouched—without even realizing it—all over his stomach. His eyes roll in the back of his head and Johnny keeps going, keeps thrusting, keeps pushing deeper and deeper inside of him. Jaehyun puts a hand on his lower abdomen, and presses down. It’s like he can feel the outline of Johnny’s dick inside his colon. It should be so disgusting, but it just turns him on even more. His sensitive dick twitches in agreement. His hands roll off to the sides and he grips the sheets while he lets Johnny use his body. He aches. His skin feels pulled taut and Johnny keeps thrusting into him like a madman chasing his own release.

 

“I’m c— _c_ _oming_ ,” Johnny stutters out and makes to pull out, but Jaehyun has enough sense in his head to swing his legs down from Johnny’s shoulders and wrap them behind his back, bracketing him in.

 

“Inside,” Jaehyun whispers in a daze, “come inside me.”

 

“Hu— _ugh,_ ” Johnny makes a choked off sound and does.

 

They lay there, for years. For hours. Jaehyun doesn’t know. Eventually, Johnny falls on top of him and rolls to the side. Jaehyun can feel the come rolling down his inner thigh—it’s so _hot._ His back is on fire and he knows his thighs will be mottled with bruises tomorrow. He doesn’t care.

 

Jaehyun lifts a gentle hand to Johnny’s face. He rubs his thumb on the apple of Johnny’s cheek. “I kind of love you, you, know.”

 

Johnny smiles. “ _'_ _The North Star shines with a humble brightness that belies its navigational importance,’_ ” Johnny whispers, “You’re my North Star, Jaehyun. I love you.”

 

Jaehyun maneuvers himself so he’s pressed right up against Johnny—disgusting bodily fluids be damned. He can shower later. Right now he wants to hold Johnny’s face and never let him go. Right now he wants to press himself into Johnny’s body, so that Johnny’s smell stays on him forever.

 

Right now—

 

“Did you just shove your face in my armpit?”

 

Jaehyun laughs, “I did.”

 

Johnny holds him—ever closer. “I’ll go to the dance showcase with you.”

 

Jaehyun smiles. “It’s a date, then.”

 

***

 

Jaehyun wakes up sometime in the middle of the night, and reaches around for his phone. He and Johnny showered earlier—separately, to Jaehyun’s dismay, because Johnny told him there was no way they could do a round two like that in the shower. Jaehyun found out, once he climbed back into bed after Johnny changed the sheets, that his back was hurting so bad he had to sleep on his stomach. Johnny merely shrugged and said “I told you so,” which made Jaehyun want him to bend him in half all over again.

 

Jaehyun finds his phone and opens up the group chat. It's just normal messages from Yuta and Ten, mostly reminding him about the showcase and telling him to stop being a chicken and ask Johnny to go with him.

 

_Size queen has added Taeshady and DOremi to Scrambled Guts._

 

 **Size queen:** hello everyone. Johnny and I have fucked. His dick is 25 centimeters. No I won’t send you photos. Also he’s my boyfriend now. Goodnight✌

 

Jaehyun shuts his phone ringer off and places it back on the drawer, before snuggling closer to Johnny again.

 

“Everything okay?” Johnny asks, voice deep with sleep.

 

“Just telling my friends that we’re dating,” Jaehyun says in a rush.

 

“We are?” Johnny asks. And Jaehyun would be scared if he didn’t know Johnny was just having him on, if he couldn’t sense the coyness in his tone or feel the smile pressed against his cheek.

 

“We are.” Jaehyun says with finality.

 

“Good,” Johnny pulls Jaehyun tighter to him and they fall together into a dreamless sleep.

 

***

 **Tendal Jenner:** JOAEHHUN WHAJT

 **Tendal Jenner:** PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN

 

 **Taeshady:** oh my god. Jesus.

 

 **DOremi:** fuck this is too fucking funny Jaehyun im making fun of you for the rest of your life

 

 **Yutarus:** YOU FINALLY GOT THAT DICK. SIZE QUEEN FOR LIFE

 **Yutarus:** IM PROUD OF YOU. I HOPE HE BROKE YOUR BACK

 

Jaehyun looks up from his phone at Johnny’s face, which is currently sporting the biggest shit eating grin of all time while Jaehyun has to lay on his fucking stomach because it _hurts_ to sit down.

 

“Yuta says ‘I hope he broke your back.’”

 

Johnny gives him that _look_ , “What can I say?”

 

“Absolutely nothing. Now come and massage me, my back is hurting.”

 

“Alright, princess,” Johnny rolls his eyes.

 

“ _Your_ princess,” Jaehyun clarifies.

 

“Hmm,” Johnny hums, “you’ve never been more right.” He places his hands on Jaehyun’s back and is welcomed with a moan.

 

Jaehyun smiles to himself.

  


**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter at [jaehyunjungsgf](https://twitter.com/jaehyunjungsgf) and come say hi!~


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